Faith, Lifestyle, Marriage

Moments for Reflection: Coming to Terms with My Mess

I have to be honest and admit that I don’t take many moments for reflection like I probably should. Perhaps I would have less meltdowns if I did, but for right now that’s not the case. This is one of those areas of my life that falls in the consistently inconsistent box.

I recently had an encounter that backed my emotions into a corner. At first I chose to let it affect me negatively. I was upset, became short-tempered with the kids, and had all sorts of stinkin’ thinkin’ going on.

But then I started talking to Heavenly Father about it. That lead me to being open with my husband about what I was going through (so thankful for our talks). And the next thing I know, I’m having a full blown moment of reflection.

What got me to this moment isn’t near as important as the journey to getting there. You see, in the past I would harbor feelings no matter how damaging they were. There would even be times where I’d point the finger and do everything I could to blame the other person. But not this time. I couldn’t do that.

There was no finger pointing.

No blaming.

Just me. Me coming to terms with my mess.

So what was the journey to this self reflection, you ask?

First I had to come to terms with how I was feeling. Jealous. Envy. Angry. All legitimate. All very relevant.

So now what?

After coming to terms with how I was feeling, then I had to decide to honestly answer why I was feeling these emotions.My husband helped me realize that I was feeling this way because of something within me. And as hard as it was to admit, he was right.

I realized that the end of the jealousy, envy, and anger that I experienced was at the start of me understanding my true potential and purpose. Instead of focusing on the who or the what linked to all of is, I began to focus on who am I? what am I supposed to be doing?

Then it all became crystal clear. The real issue could then be handled. And in that moment of reflection things began to make sense.

Of course it’s so much easier said than done. We live in a day and age where everyone else is to blame. The current and future generations are being taught to not take responsibility for much of anything. And all of it is topped with an entitlement pass.

I apologized for crying the ugly cry and talking about it in front of our kids, but even in that I learned another lesson. My husband reminded me that our children needed to see some of our struggles. They need to witness our breakthrough’s and overcoming’s. And he’s right.

I started down a path of why God… how can this person say this and do that and prosper? How come this or that isn’t working for me and it is for them?

I ended with learning more about myself.  I had to be okay with having merged off my path a bit. I came face to face with making decisions and choices to actively get back on track doing what was put in me to do.

Does every moment of reflection happen like this? No.

Should it? Probably.

I almost ruined my entire day because I was focused on someone else and what they appeared to be doing. It was taking that moment for real reflection that I was able to see what I wasn’t doing. I was able to see what I needed to be doing. And I was able to break free from a familiar trap.

Although I don’t have it all figured out, one thing I will say is this… don’t ever beat yourself up for the ugly that is revealed. Face it. Learn from it. And grow.

CHIME IN: Do you take moments for reflection? How do you handle them? I’d love to hear from you!

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