Continuing with our marriage series this week, I wanted to share a few ways married couples can keep the spark in their marriage. For any marriage, it’s only a matter of time before you find yourself living what some would call a “mundane life”. The husband gets used to working long hours, the wife gets used to taking care of the home, the kids, and sometimes juggling a job between it all…. and date nights become nonexistent.
What occasionally happens is priorities get shifted and changes are made to accommodate the season at hand. Often times, keeping the spark in a marriage gets pushed further and further down the list before either (or both) spouse realizes that they have sacrificed continuing to build their relationship with the other to the point of neglect.
Of course, this doesn’t have to be the case. When skills for fostering marriage growth are developed early, it can keep a marriage alive and thriving. Here are a few tips to keeping the spark in your marriage:
This can look different for each and every marriage. Perhaps a weekly date night or having coffee alone each morning are ways to make your spouse a priority. For others, taking time to talk about the day without any distractions is a way to make their spouse (and relationship) a priority. No matter what it looks like for you, the bottom line is taking the time to make your spouse a priority.
Usually it’s the wives who dive in head first to take the test to find our their love language(s) with the hubbies gradually getting on board. One thing every married couple I have talked to has admitted is that understanding their spouse’s love language has done wonders in their marriage. It’s a form of intimate communication that reaches your spouse on a deeper level… putting a whole new meaning on the word connection.
I absolutely love how my husband supports/encourages everything I do, from homeschooling and making curriculum resources to writing books and teaching Chinese kiddos English. Of course I don’t expect him to support my negative behaviors, but instead, he encourages me to overcome them by exhibiting patience and understanding. This also speaks volumes. How quick are you to support and/or encourage your husband (or wife) getting a new job? Are you supportive of your spouses decision to do (or not do) certain things? Support and encouragement are definitely ways to keep the spark going.
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When you ask a married couple who is experiencing a separation and/or on the brink of divorce, what’s one of the top reasons they give for how they got there? Somewhere in the top three answers will be – “I just don’t trust my spouse anymore.” Why is that? Perhaps something (or a multiple of things) have happened throughout the years; however, we still have to make the conscious choice to regain trust in our spouse no matter what. It is definitely a choice. Choosing to trust can open up so many good doors, while closing those doors that open to temptations that would otherwise try and shake your marriage. For many marriages, including our own, we did a “come clean” exercise where we tell one another everything, and continue to do it if, and when, something arises. Works wonders!
My husband, Bryan, actually suggested this one and believes it is most important in a marriage… especially for keeping the spark. I believe this is something that two people rarely consider when coming into a holy union with another person. The fact of the matter is there WILL be sacrifice. One way or another. I have found that in times I am most resistant to sacrifice, these are also some of the hardest times in my marriage. Perhaps it’s because of my selfishness or pride, but either way, it’s not good. There are times when we absolutely don’t want to do something for or with our spouse, but because of our love for them, we do it anyways. And just to be clear, this should always be within a healthy context.
There are many more ways to keep the spark in your marriage, but these are some that I actively pursue and have found to be totally necessary and beneficial.
CHIME IN: What tips do you have, know, and/or do to keep the spark in your marriage! Let us know in the comments! We’d LOVE to hear from you!