In lieu of celebrating our 10th anniversary, we thought it’d be fun to write a comical marriage post that talks about how (NOT) to stay marries for 10 years. We hope you find this just as hilarious as we did when coming up the “things.” 🙂
How (NOT) to Stay Married for 10 Years
Nag and complain.
Nagging and complaining are two characteristics that come from one thing – selfishness. Period. Anytime I find myself nagging and complaining toward Bryan, it’s usually because I have some expectation that he’s not meeting and it’s ruffling my feathers. See that? Me, me, me.
If you want to stay married for 10 years, you’d better get a handle on serving your spouse from a selfLESS perspective. In the end, your needs will be met.
Try to change your spouse.
I remember early on in our marriage, I tried to change Bryan so much. I always had something to say about how he was doing something or something he said. I had a preconceived notion of how a good, godly marriage should be, and that’s the standard I held him to.
The fact of the matter is, I didn’t have a clue about what a real biblical marriage looked like, let alone how to cultivate one. So I diverted to the only thing I knew to do – try to change my spouse! Because he was the problem, not me. Wrong!
If you want to stay married for 10 years (and longer), focus on what needs to change about you. Speaking of which…
Don’t try to improve yourself.
Going hand-in-hand with the previous story, in the past, I wouldn’t focus on trying to improve myself more than trying to improve my husband. In the moments I was trying to uplifting with nice, kind words, there was still an underlying motive of trying to change him or help him improve. Basically, I was saying that I knew better than Yahweh and I could do a better job.
Focusing on improving yourself will always make things around you look a lot differently. And 9 times out of 10, the people around you will be positively impacted by your improvements. It may take time, but that’s never up to you.
Stop investing in your marriage.
Bryan and I just so happen to be in a season where we couldn’t tell you the last time we had a date night. Alone time is close to nonexistent. And, the intimacy meter (not just sex) is almost always on empty. Yes, the more children you have, the more outside factors there are, and the more things you encounter overall can put a damper on it… but it shouldn’t become a new lifestyle.
Staying married for 10 years involves doing what’s necessary to invest in your marriage. Get the babysitter for a date night. Put the kids to bed early and have a date night on the porch. Wake up a few minutes earlier together to have sunrise coffee. Hold hands. Hug. Do all the things to nurture your marriage.
Have a plan B.
Similar to a prenup, most people enter into a marriage covenant with a plan B in mind. Whether it’s divorce if it doesn’t work or stay married but live separate, having an escape route sets up grounds for the enemy to work extra hard in your marriage.
Don’t give yourself the option to leave your spouse. Do everything you can to make it work. And when you feel like you can’t do anymore, do it anyways. Our power to do anything doesn’t come solely from us. It’s comes from the Most High and that’s who we should always lean and depend upon, especially in marriage.
Of course, the headings may throw you off at first glance, but the truth of the matter is when these things happen, our marriages suffer. For many years, Bryan and I both could agree that we’ve done each and every one of these things. And while the consequences or side effects didn’t show up immediately, the seeds were planted and attempted to take root later.
Being married and staying married for a decade has taken a lot of work – and will continue to. It was never promised to be easy but it should always be seen as worth it, no matter what.
To help you stay married 10 years and longer, grab my free printable resource – 31 Days of Praying for Yourself & Your Husband. I recommend printing several copies to keep in your Bible, in your prayer journal, and for hanging in your home (like your bathroom mirror or in your closet). Once you’ve prayed an entire month, rinse and repeat!